It Might Have Been
by XX00Meg00XX
Summary: A series of mostly unrelated one-shots inspired by missed conversations between Castle and Beckett that might have changed everything.
1. Midnight Call

**A/N: This will be a series of one-shots inspired by missed conversations between Castle and Beckett that might have changed everything. Will be updated on Mondays. Any requests for missed conversations can be sent to me on twitter or tumblr. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

_Happy Castle Monday! So excited for an all new episode tonight! This will also carry on the newest tradition of Castle Fanfic Monday._

* * *

**It Might Have Been**

"_Of all sad words of tongue or pen,_

_The saddest are these, 'It might have been'."_

_-John Greenleaf Whittier_

* * *

**Midnight Call**

_A missed conversation for 1x09 "Lost Little Girl"_

* * *

"_What do you want me to do?"_

"_I need you to go home."_

"_Okay, but if you need me, call. Even if it's just to talk."_

Kate slams her balled fist into the door she's just shut, one final blow of the anger she's feeling before she turns her back and slumps against it.

It's too much. It's all too much.

The case. A missing child that reminds her too much of another case that she worked. Will Sorenson. A man who chose to move across the country six months into their relationship. And Castle. The thorn in her side who has been a light in her darkness on more than one occasion.

She can't handle it all. She can't handle losing another kidnapped child to the hands of a heartless kidnapper.

A previous conversation plays through her mind, an offer that she had brushed off at the time, but now seems like the answer to her drowning thoughts.

He told her to call, even if it was just to talk.

She pushes herself away from the door, sheds her coat and shoes and leaves them lying where they fall even as she pads through her apartment and drops heavily onto the couch. Too drained to pick up her things, too distracted to care.

* * *

Her hands tremble when she dials his number, and she's not sure if it's because he asked her to call or because she's actually doing it.

She doesn't even realize what time it is until his groggy voice registers on the other end of the line.

"Beckett?" he questions, waiting for a reply that she's failed to give.

"Uh sorry—I'm sorry, Castle. I didn't realize how late it was. I'll just talk to you later."

She starts to pull the phone away, prepares to end the call when she hears his voice, his request for her to stay on the line. So she lifts the phone back to her ear, takes a deep breath even as she mentally berates herself for calling him.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, a tentative, cautious tone to his voice and she hates that he feels the need to be careful with her. She's only known him for a few months, but being careful with each other isn't something they do.

"You said I could call…even if it was just to talk. And this is completely selfish of me given the way that I talked to you earlier."

"Beckett, if I didn't mean it I wouldn't have said it. What's going on?"

She sighs, memories flashing painfully through her mind even as she tries to suppress them.

"I didn't tell you the entire truth earlier."

"What do you mean?" he asks and she can hear him shifting in his bed, imagines that he's propping himself against the headboard in preparation for her story.

She fights an eye roll even though he can't see her, because this isn't a story she wants to repeat. Living it once was quite enough, but it's all too much and she needs someone to hear her out, even if that someone isn't who she would have thought she'd be calling at midnight.

"When I told you that we got the guy from that case I worked with Will…"

"You didn't get him?"

"Um no, we got him. But I left out the part where it was already too late for the child."

"Oh, Kate," he whispers, and his use of her first name sends a shiver that she's completely not expecting through her body.

"It hurt, you know? To put in all of that work and not be able to return a missing child. It did something to me that I wasn't expecting. And this case…" She trails off, unable to continue her thoughts, the idea of voicing them aloud completely overwhelming her.

"I can't imagine, but it wasn't your fault. I'm positive that you did everything you could just like you're doing for this case."

"But what if it's not enough? What if I'm missing something and because of that…"

An unwelcome sob rips its way up her throat, clogging and choking her, cutting off more words that she might have been willing to say.

"You're always enough, Kate. In everything you do, you're always enough." His voice is quiet, the honesty of is words barely audible as if he's afraid that setting them free will spook her.

Kate closes her eyes, forces the emotions to hold off so that she can take a deep breath and let his words soak through her.

"I'm sorry that I sent you away today. The truth is, Will makes me crazy. He swoops back in and acts like he didn't chose a job over our relationship."

"For the record, he's an idiot. Any man who would choose anything over having you is an idiot."

She sucks in a breath, replaying his words in her head as if repeating them will change the clarity of them.

"Castle…"

"I know, Kate. I'm just the annoying, plucky sidekick. It's okay. I just want you to know that I mean every word I've said tonight. You'll solve this case just like you always do and whether you want me there beside you or at home out of your hair, you'll still be extraordinary to me."

Her heart pounds violently against her chest, and the words she wants to say won't come. So she finds the ones she can give him, closes her eyes even as they fall from her mouth, because they aren't enough for everything he's given her tonight.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Castle. And thank you."

"Always."

She can't see it, but little as though her words may be, a hopeful smile stretches across Castle's face even as he bids her goodnight.

* * *

He's actually not surprised when he finds her lip locked with Will the next morning. They did date for six months after all, and it's clear that she has some unresolved feelings for the man.

But what he missed before his arrival was Kate's hesitation before the kiss, her hand on Will's chest to stop him from pressing his body against hers. And Castle's brief moment of disappointment even though he has no claim on her also causes him to miss Kate's relief when his interruption gives her the chance to slip away from Will's embrace.

She waits until things are rolling inside the house, Will's attention clearly focused on the case before she grabs Castle's arm, pulls him outside so that they can have some privacy.

"Castle, what you saw earlier…"

"It's okay, Beckett," he holds up his hand, cutting her off. "You don't have to explain anything to me."

"Actually I do," she clarifies, stepping closer to him even as his eyes widen in surprise.

"You're more than just a plucky sidekick. You're my partner. And having you by my side these last few months has done more for me then I've been willing to admit. Will isn't the man I want kissing me, Rick."

And before Castle can even register what she's saying, her lips are sliding over his, tongue parting and exploring so that she can pour a proper thank you and a promise into the hot cavern of his mouth.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	2. A Different Stillness

**Happy Castle Monday! Thank you to Ally for the super quick beta on this! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

**It Might Have Been**

"_Of all sad words of tongue or pen,_

_The saddest are these, 'It might have been'."_

_-John Greenleaf Whittier_

* * *

**A Different Stillness**

_After they return home. A missed convo from 'Still"._

_Requested by ( AAR1806)_

* * *

Long, silent hours have passed by since Kate stepped off the trigger plate and into his arms. She stood there for far longer than she should have, and he's so thankful for the strength of her legs, for her endurance, because he's not sure he could have done it, and losing her had not been an outcome he was willing to accept.

They've been at the precinct since they left the scene, since he got one chance to kiss her, and let the feel of her lips against his, the soft, warm press of her body, remind him that she survived another close call. But that one touch wasn't enough; the lack of privacy is slowly driving him mad, because he wants to be selfish right now and take her home, lock them in his bedroom, until he's convinced that she's okay.

She keeps lifting her eyes from the large stack of paperwork she's filling out, her hazel orbs finding his own blue ones, and he knows that she wants more than anything to escape from everything, everyone but him. And he almost can't take it, can't handle the memories of the fate she was facing only hours ago. He needs to be alone with her.

He can see the relief wash through her rigid frame when she flips over the final paper in the stack, and he wants to weep with a relief of his own, he's so ready to take her home.

He watches as she struggles to her feet, and when she has to pause and take a deep breath before she steps away from her desk, he wants to scoop her in his arms and carry her wherever she needs to go. If only that wouldn't completely mess up the captain's ability to maintain plausible deniability about their relationship.

Kate throws him a forced smile as she passes him, though he knows it's not because she doesn't mean it, then he waits while she hands in her paperwork and gives her final statement.

* * *

Finally, _finally_, she returns to her desk and they're free to leave, free to be alone for the first time since he wrapped his arms around her in a stranger's apartment where she almost lost her life.

He walks as close to her as he can get away with as they head towards the elevator, but the moment the doors slide closed and he sees the way her legs tremble, hears the sharp breath she takes as she tries to remain upright, he can't handle another minute of it. He scoops her into his arms, holds her a little tighter than necessary against him, and she doesn't make one complaint; instead, she lets her head fall against his shoulder.

He carefully shifts her weight when he steps up to her car and then he's easing her into the passenger seat with so much care that a tear slides down her cheek and the strength she's been holding onto starts to dissolve.

Castle kisses the tear away with a brush of his lips against her cheek and then he buckles her seat belt, closes her door and rounds the car so that he can slide into the driver's seat.

It's the first time that she's ever let him drive her car without protesting, and it speaks volumes of how far they've come.

His hand finds hers as he drives, the unspoken need of connection hanging heavy in the car the entire way to the loft. He wants to talk to her, they _need_ to talk, but conversation waits a little longer.

Castle maneuvers Kate's car into the parking spot, quietly turns the car off, and slips back around to her side in order to help her out. She doesn't even try to stand on her own, wrapping her arms around his neck so that he can easily lift her out of the car and into his arms.

* * *

Kate hides her face in his neck until they've entered the loft and she knows exactly where Castle's headed before he even moves through the door. She doesn't lift her head until she feels their connection shift and her back comes in contact with the mattress of his bed, of _their_ bed.

She doesn't even have to voice a plea for him not to leave her, he reads it all over her face.

"I have a whole new respect for these boots," he murmurs as he shifts to the end of the bed and unzips her left boot, slowly sliding it off before moving to the other one.

She knows her feet are swollen before she even sees them, can feel the throbbing when the pressure of being tightly enclosed in the boots is released.

"I don't think I'll ever be wearing them again," she says, sighing in relief when he gets her other boot off and sweeps his thumb lightly over her ankle.

Castle's head dips as thoughts of almost losing her swirl to life again and he bites back the emotion that clogs his throat.

"Rick," she calls softly, slowly easing herself up so that she can see him better.

He shakes his head, tries to swallow the sob that's clawing its way out of his chest, but Kate knows that now is the time to set it all free.

"Come here," she says, reaching for his hand and pulling him towards her, biting back her own tears as he climbs over her on the bed and settles beside her.

She shifts, drapes herself over his body and stares down at him.

"I thought our good luck was finally up today," he says, lifting his hand so that his palm rests against the soft swell of her cheek.

"You were all the luck I needed, Rick. You saved me," she whispers, tilting her head further into his hand.

"I couldn't let you go, Kate," he chokes, glossy eyes roaming greedily over her face as if he's looking at her for the first and last time.

"You risked your life for me, again. I can't help thinking how many times we're going to come out of situations like that unscathed. I won't keep…"

"Don't you dare ask me to stop following you," he says, cutting off the words he can't bear to hear.

"Castle," she tries, but her argument dies on her tongue as a tear slips down her cheek.

"No, Kate. Don't."

"But you're…" she tries a different angle, tries a different way to get him to see her point.

"I'm your partner. And I'll be damned if I walk away from that and leave you vulnerable. You're right, I risked my life to save you today and you know what? I'd do it over and over again as long as I get to keep you."

There's something poetic about the way he says his words, about the way he says he wants to keep her. It makes her heart swell, changes something inside her that she feels instantly.

"I'm yours," she breathes, her tears pressing against his cheeks as she steals a kiss from his lips. "I'll always be yours, Castle. You can keep me, but you have to promise me the same, because losing you is not an option, it's not the ending that I have planned for us."

"And what ending do you have planned for us?" he asks, coaxing her into another, slower kiss before he lets her answer.

"Marry me," she whispers, her words drifting over his lips.

"What? Kate, did you just…" he fumbles, the ability to form a sentence currently nonexistent because she's just rendered him speechless.

"Yes. No more wasting time, no more putting things off that we both know we want. Marry me, Rick? That's the ending I want, that's the only future that I see with you."

He carefully rolls her over, hovers above her until she pulls the full weight of him down on top of her, and for the first time all day she finally feels grounded.

He kisses her then, a hard press of his lips, parting her own and slipping his tongue inside so that he can paint promises over every inch of her mouth.

"Is that a yes?" she asks breathlessly, keeps him close.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too," she answers, and as her lips find his again, a welcome stillness falls over the room, a promise of so much more.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	3. All We Have Left

**Happy Castle Finale Monday! It's hard to believe the end of the season is here already but yay for the knowledge that we get more of our beloved story! In honor of the end of season 7, here's a little flashback to the beginning of it.**

**Thanks to Ally for the beta!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

**It Might Have Been**

"_Of all sad words of tongue or pen,_

_The saddest are these, 'It might have been'."_

_-John Greenleaf Whittier_

* * *

**All We Have Left**

"_On your side of the bed there's a burned out candle flame  
A letter I started but I didn't know what to say  
No I couldn't write it down, so I'll try to say it now.  
Tell me how, how'd you get so far away?  
All we have left are the memories of the love we made  
Are you sleeping with your own regret?  
On your side of the bed."_

_-Little Big Town_

_An insert for the beginning of season 7 because this song has been screaming inspiration at me and I would have loved to see a conversation like this._

* * *

Sixty days without him and Kate thought the moment she had him home, they'd be insatiable. She'd give almost anything for that to be the case, but with each hour that passes with him home by her side, they seem to drift further apart.

The first night was tense; the lingering thoughts of all evidence that had stacked up against him resulted in her being even more cautious than she was before they got together. She told him about guarding his chair at the precinct, and all about the little, brief moments when she lost hope but then somehow found it again. Then she broke down in his arms. She thought being wrapped against the wall of his chest would feel like home again, yet it only felt foreign and forced.

* * *

She wakes up the second day feeling awkward and tense, glancing over at where Castle's stiffly curled with his back to her on his side of the bed. She can't even remember the last time they slept on their prospective sides, and her heart breaks a little more. She fell asleep before he ever came to bed last night. She's never been a praying woman, but the last few months and their current situation had her saying a prayer for both of them before she closed her eyes and let sleep take her under.

It's only when she rolls her body over and swings her feet to the floor that she notices a letter on her nightstand that she knows wasn't there when she went to bed last night; she recognizes the handwriting instantly and can't help but wonder if that's what he was doing while he was shut away in his office last night.

She reaches for the small piece of paper, noticing the way that her name looks so carefully written in comparison to the rapidly scrawled words beneath it. It's almost as if her name was a hesitation, an unsure thought before the words began to pour out of him. Though it seems he thought better of the words after he started writing them because about half way down the page they stop mid-sentence and the things he was trying to say fade away.

She takes a deep breath before beginning to read the letter over again, more carefully this time.

* * *

_Kate,_

_I don't even know what to say anymore to make this all better. Truthfully, I don't think there are enough words or actions to make it better. I was taken from you on our wedding day and there will never be a way to make that up to you. I know the only thing remotely close to making things better would be an explanation for why I was taken and where I was. I can't offer you that and it's tearing me apart inside. I wish more than anything that I could remember, I wish…_

And that's it, no more words.

* * *

She folds the paper in half, cradles it to her chest as if it's the most precious thing she's ever held in her hand and, in a way, it is. It's the closest to him she's been since before he was taken, the most she's heard him say since she laid eyes on him in that hospital bed.

She wishes he could have finished his thoughts but the realization that he's trying, that he wants to find a way to make things better for her, makes it obvious that he's still fighting for them, that for him, nothing has changed.

It makes her nauseous, all of the ways she's shut herself off to him, because she's afraid that they can never get back to where they were. She wants him back, she wants them back. She'll fight with him for all they have left.

She places the letter carefully back in its place on her side of the bed and then she's twisting her body around, easing her way back into the bed and close enough to him to brush a tentative hand over his shoulder.

* * *

"Castle," she whispers, his name cautious in her mouth and she hates the way it sounds, she doesn't want to be cautious anymore.

She waits for his eyes to flutter open, watches as he slips from dream world into the sharp reality that he's been living with for the past two days.

He tenses when he sees her so close, blinking his eyes as if she's a figment of his imagination. But she doesn't pull away, doesn't show any signs of the insecurity she's been feeling as he uncurls his body and rolls onto his back, his eyes searching her.

"Kate," he rasps, his voice still scratchy from the amount of time he didn't use it and the lingering traces of sleep. "Is something wrong?"

Her eyes cloud, her heart threatening to shred as if it's even possible for it to break any more than it already has. She hates that he thinks she's only coming to him because something is wrong, hates the wedge that has been driven between them.

He's the only man she's ever trusted completely with her heart, their love the only safe place she's known since her mother passed away. He's never given her a reason to doubt his commitment to her, she owes him more than she's giving him.

But the question he's asking isn't entirely off the mark, something is wrong. Them.

* * *

"I read your letter," she says, her voice barely above a whisper as she looks into his weary eyes.

"Oh," he says, shaking his head as he pushes up onto his elbows. "It wasn't finished. I shouldn't even have left it there, but I just didn't know what else to say to fix us."

She wants to fall into his arms, to tell him that there's nothing to fix, but she can't do that, not yet anyway.

"Rick, I owe you an apology," she states, shaking her head when he tries to protest.

"You have never given me a reason to doubt your love and commitment to me. I never should have let that evidence cloud my judgement. You are the only man besides my dad that I've ever completely trusted and I do….I do still trust you."

"Kate…" he tries, pushing himself completely up off the mattress, his body brushing against hers for the first time since he let her cry against him and yet it's completely different.

Kate shakes her head, fighting back the tears that threaten to fall down her cheeks and lets her head fall against his shoulder, her ragged intake of breath the only sound in the room.

His hand presses softly against the base of her skull, a cautious caress that finally breaks the dam she's been holding inside her. She lifts her hand to his shirt, clutches the material tightly in her fingers as ugly sobs wreak havoc over her entire frame. And finally, finally, his fingers tangle in the shorter strands of her hair just as he brings his other hand around her shoulders, holding her to him.

"I hate that we've drifted apart. I hate that you had to write me a letter because you didn't know what to say to me. I hate that we've been sleeping miles apart on our own sides of the bed because neither of us knew how to fix what was broken. I was lonely for two months, Castle. You're right here, you're home, and I don't want to be lonely anymore." Her words are choked and broken and he has to really listen to understand all of them, but he hears just as much as he feels everything that she's saying.

He guides her into his lap, presses her closer when she finally settles over his hips and the feel of her even though he doesn't remember missing her for two months is like finally coming home.

"I still don't have any answers for you, Kate. I wish that things were different but…"

"Shh," she says, lifting her head and pressing her finger against his still pursed lips. "You're enough. Having you back home, safe, it's enough."

"I would never walk away from you willingly, Kate. Never."

It's a promise that he's already made to her without words. She knows he means them.

"I know," she chokes out, her hands lifting to his cheeks, her thumbs stroking the still purple bruises that are present under his eyes.

"I know," she repeats, finally pressing her lips against his for the first time.

His lips are chapped, still a little raw from the hours that he floated unconscious in the direct sunlight, but they feel like heaven against hers. He tastes like home and healing and something completely different from anything she's ever felt before.

She doesn't protest when he rolls her over, his large frame pressing her delicate body into the mattress, eliminating all space between them. It's no secret that she lost weight while he was missing, her need to find him always outweighing her desire to take care of herself. She knows he feels the way her bones are more prominent, knows he's silently berating himself once again for leaving her.

Castle's lips leave hers briefly to trail down her jaw, her neck, pausing just above the scar that he's paid special attention to ever since she came to his door that stormy night.

"I love you," he murmurs against her skin, and memories flare in her mind of the first time he ever told her those words. He meant them then and there's no doubt of how much he means them now.

Her fingers card through his hair, her short nails scraping gently against his scalp and she draws him back to her lips, the distance between them permanently dissipating.

"I love you, too. We're going to be okay," she promises, pulling him closer, melting into the warmth of the man she's going to call her husband.

There's no distance between them that night, no prospective sides to sleep on as they both meet in the middle, their souls merging together once more. And all they have left becomes all that they are, all that they will be.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


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